Repent sincerely and forgive wisely
“If you apologize and the other person says I'm not ready to move on and you throw a fit it means you were never sincere to begin with.”
As Ramadan approaches, Muslims should sincerely repent and apologize for harms they caused, forgive where they can without denying trauma, and maintain wise boundaries rather than carrying grudges or demanding immediate reconciliation.
The khutbah in 6 steps
- Introduces a companion promised paradise for sleeping with a clean heart and reconciling with others.
- Explains how ghil, grudges, jealousy, and negative emotions crowd out space for Allah and Ramadan.
- Distinguishes minor hurts from serious oppression and explains that both require sincere repair.
- Critiques vague group-message apologies and defines sincere repentance and personal apology.
- Reassures abuse survivors that forgiveness is encouraged but not obligatory, and apologies need not be accepted immediately.
- Uses prophetic examples to teach forgiving while maintaining protective boundaries before closing with prayers for Ramadan and suffering Muslims.
In the khateeb's words
“When you allow your heart To fill With ghil With negative emotions Right And grudges And so on and so forth You have no space For Ramadan”
“We apologize brothers and sisters not with the condition that the other person will be accepting of the apology.”
“If you apologize and the other person says I'm not ready to move on and you throw a fit it means you were never sincere to begin with.”
For the dinner table
The khutbah encourages us to prepare for Ramadan by caring for our hearts and addressing hurt in our relationships. The khateeb tells of a man who went to sleep with a clean heart, seeking forgiveness and forgiving others. He explains that a sincere apology means feeling remorse, naming what we did wrong, and trying our best not to repeat it. He also reminds us that deep hurt can take time to heal, and we should not demand that someone accept our apology immediately. Forgiveness is encouraged, and setting boundaries can help protect us from being hurt again.
- What could help you settle an upset feeling before bedtime?
- What would a thoughtful apology sound like after sharing someone's secret?
- How could you give someone time and space after apologizing?
More on Repentance & taqwa
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