Honor parents through kindness and service
“Do not reprimand them and say a very kind word back to them.”
Serving and speaking kindly to one's parents, especially in old age and difficulty, is a major act of worship with worldly and eternal rewards, and it remains possible after their death through prayer, charity, fulfilled wishes, and maintained relationships.
The khutbah in 6 steps
- Quranic passages place honoring parents immediately after worshiping Allah and emphasize mothers' sacrifices.
- Surah al-Isra forbids even expressing irritation, commands kind speech and humility, and teaches a prayer for parents.
- Hadith place serving parents above jihad and describe it as difficult but highly rewarded.
- Treating parents well is linked to longevity, sustenance, family character, and the opportunity for Paradise.
- Listeners are urged to speak gently, anticipate needs, help physically, give gifts, and earn, not merely request, their parents' prayers.
- For oppressive or deceased parents, maintain safe good terms and continue serving them through prayer, charity, fulfilled wishes, family ties, and honoring their friends.
In the khateeb's words
“When they're in their old age And they're being stubborn And hard to deal with Do not make noises Do not reprimand them And say a very kind word back to them”
“Treating your parents well Having them under your care When they're in their old age It's not an easy task Easy things are easy We would love to do those But you get more reward For undergoing difficulty”
“There's a difference Between Requesting du'as And earning a du'a”
“It just means that you're on good terms With them You give them gifts Whatever they need You're there for them You can leave There's no problem”
For the dinner table
Mufti Nafis reminded us that treating our parents kindly is an act of worship and an important part of pleasing Allah. He encouraged us to speak gently, especially as parents grow older, and to remember the care they gave us when we were small. We can show love by noticing what they need, helping with everyday tasks, giving gifts, and making du'a for them. He also acknowledged that some parents are oppressive and explained that moving away can be appropriate when mistreatment becomes too much, while continuing care as circumstances allow. When parents have passed away, we can still honor them through prayers for forgiveness, charity and other good deeds dedicated to them, fulfilling their wishes where possible, and keeping connections with their relatives and friends.
- What is one helpful thing you could do for a parent this week before being asked?
- When you feel annoyed, what could help you express yourself kindly?
- Which relative or family friend could we reconnect with to honor our parents or grandparents?
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