Advice must be gentle and private
“Too many times the problem is not with the advice; the problem is how the advice is being offered.”
Nasihah, sincere, tailor-fit advice given gently and privately, is the compass by which Muslims bring out the best in themselves and one another, and no one, from prophets to leaders to common believers, is above giving or receiving it.
The khutbah in 7 steps
- Opening praise and the command of taqwa from Surah an-Nisa
- The command to call to Allah with wisdom, good reminder, and the best manner of debate
- The hadith 'ad-Dinu an-Nasihah' and the linguistic meaning of nasihah (purifying honey, tailoring a garment)
- No one is above advice: the Prophet himself accepted counsel at Hudaybiyah, al-Ahzab, and Badr
- Second khutbah: nasihah as a duty of the pledge, a right among the six rights of a Muslim, and the believer as mirror of the believer
- Conditions of giving advice: sincerity, privacy and concealing faults, mercy; and the duty to accept advice rather than commit ghiba
- Closing reminder about the death threat against a local mosque: stay vigilant but keep attending and trusting Allah
In the khateeb's words
“Just because something is right Doesn't mean that you do it You need to think about it What is the best way Of doing things?”
“Too many times The problem is not with the advice The problem is how the advice Is being offered”
“The true friend that you have Is the one who tells you the truth Not the one who believes what you say”
“When somebody has a problem Or a fault We go tell everyone Except the person Who is concerned This is ghiba And this is wuzr”
For the dinner table
Today's khutbah was about nasihah, sincere advice, and how central it is to our religion. The imam showed from the Quran that even when Musa was sent to Fir'aun, the worst tyrant, Allah told him to speak gently, because the way advice is delivered often matters more than the advice itself. He explained that the Arabic word nasihah means something purified like honey and tailor-fit like clothing, advice made specifically to benefit the person receiving it. Nobody is above advice: the Prophet himself took suggestions from his companions at Hudaybiyah, al-Ahzab, and Badr. Real advice is given privately, with mercy and sincerity, and talking about someone's faults to everyone except them is backbiting, not help. Finally, after a scary threat against a nearby mosque, the imam reminded us to stay careful and aware, but to keep coming to the masjid, keep doing good, and keep trusting Allah.
- Has anyone ever given you advice in a way that made you not want to hear it, what would have made it easier to accept?
- If a friend is your 'mirror,' what is one thing a true friend should be willing to tell you?
- When you see someone doing something wrong, what is the difference between helping them and talking behind their back?
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